Falling

black woman in lingerieI had a conversation with a group of young ladies that I often spend time with. We talked about lust, attraction, seduction, and friendship, however the conversatoin kept coming back to one question: “How do I get the man I love  to fall in love with me?” I can’t claim to have the answer to that question but I know how to nudge a guy in the right direction. Ladies, men are simple. We can be a much more than a handful (if you’re lucky) but we’re pretty simple. If you want  a guy to fall in love with you, you have to embody what I like to call “The 5 L’s”. But first let me warn you: DO NOT USE THESE 5L’s ON A MAN THAT YOU DO NOT LOVE OR WANT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH!! If you attempt to use these 5L’s to make someone love you who you do not love, it could end up in a terrible disaster… fatal even. The reason why is because the 5L’s create such an overwhelming sense of affection that if you take yourself away from him, he could become obsessive, possessive, or totally psycho. Ready?

The 1st L is:  Live and be your word. Say what you mean and mean what you say. A man will only love a woman that he can respect and who respects herself. A woman who knows what she likes and doesn’t like is a pleasure to cherish. Be full of life and be unafraid to show who you are. When you’re happy, be happy. When you’re sad, be sad.  When you’re angry say so and say why and be open to solving the problems or working together to solve them. Live in a space where you are what and who you say you are and are comfortable with yourself. Can you be flexible? Yes. Can you compromise? Certainly. Can you experiment and try new things? You better. As long as you have some integrity about living and being your word, you’ll nail the first L. Live.

The 2nd L: Listen. Women have a lot to say. Men worth loving know this and expect you to be a geyser of girlish information. However, it is rare to find a woman who knows how and when to listen. It’s easy to miss a guys cues to tune in because we are super subtle about it. So subtle in fact that sometimes we don’t even know that we need to talk to someone. Our need for a woman to listen isn’t based on a positive or negative. It could be funny or serious,  A short story about a day, or a future plan, or maybe we might need your advice. Whatever it is, drop everything and listen.

The 3rd L: Love yourself. This is probably the most important of all the L’s because a man will fall in love with you the more you fall in love with yourself. Build and maintain your self-confidence and self-esteem. Believe in yourself and dream and live for your dream.

Real men are not mirrors. Our purpose is not to validate you and  help you feel good about yourself. If that was the case, men would never be able to keep up. I once told a friend to write in the corner of her mirror with her favorite lipstick “I am beautiful, I love me!”, look herself in the eye every morning, and say it to herself until the day she dies. She still calls me from time to time to thank her for that. She told me prior to her little mirror exercise, she never really loved herself. She told me that she didn’t know how. She was always looking for what was wrong with herself and why she didn’t deserve her own admiration. She told me that one day right before doing her little mirror ritual, a half year later, she stood looking in the mirror naked and cracked a wide knowing smile. She looked at her freckles and her unruly hair, her slightly uneven breasts, and the little scar on her cheek from where she fell of a bike, and she laughed until she cried because somewhere along the way of repeating that simple mantra to herself, she started believing it. She realized little by little she convinced herself that she was worth loving and she embraced it. She was always pretty, but now she’s one of the hottest women I know because she truly loves herself. Now she’s radiant.

The 4th L: Lust. Let the man you want to love, lust for you. Men love soft asses just as much as we love soft hearts. We love your breasts (no matter how big or small), legs, stomachs, mouths, that little triangle between your legs where your inner thighs meet your vagina, we love to look at you touch you, grab you, bite you, and whatever else our imagination comes up with.

Women sometimes make the mistake of being too rigid or inhibited. We don’t mind if you’re a bit of a prude in public as long as you promise to be sexy and sensual when we have you to ourselves. Tease your man, let him tease you. Have fun together and don’t be afraid to let him know you’ve been thinking about his dick inside of you all day just like he’s been thinking about being inside of you all day.

The 5th L: Laughter. Nothing is more disarming to a man than a woman’s laughter. Not that fake hee hee shit either. I mean real genuine laughter. Every woman has a little girl inside herself that wants to laugh. Hard. Every woman has a full grown woman in there too who will laugh her ass off and men know it. In fact, men go to extraordinary lengths to make the women that we are attracted to laugh. It’s because it is one of the times when a woman is at her most beautiful. It’s intoxicating and liberating and makes us happy to see that you are happy. We love it when you laugh so much that we are willing to sacrifice our physical well-being and even our ego for it. We make corny jokes, we copy Kevin Hart and Katt Williams, we imitate dinosaurs and wear stupid costumes and even risk it all in a YouTube video to see you laugh. Ok, yes, we also do it for fun and we’re guys, but secretly we want to see you laugh. Honestly we don’t care whether its with us or at us, as long as it isn’t malicious, or malevolent, we love it! So don’t be afraid to let that organic almond milk spew out of your nose… laugh!

That’s it. The 5L’s. It’s easier said than done but it can certainly be accomplished with a little work and patience. Remember the warning too. Don’t use this on some guy you don’t love or don’t want in your life because you could LIT-ER-AL-LY create a dangerous, obsessed, full-on psychopath. If you’re on the fence, use maybe an L or two, or better yet, just keep em him happy until you figure it out (To keep a man happy you need only to use the 2 F’s: Fuck him and Feed him, but that’s another article). Also; pay attention to timing because it can be a crucial make or break. Otherwise, go get him Tigress!

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